Horizontally Challenged

The list could go on and on.  It could be horizontally challenged, on the chubby side, one who gained weight.  It only means one thing- fat.  Be it the politically correct “horizontally challenged” or the malicious “fatso“, it stings at the same degree.  They all have the same negative connotation.  For a culture as narrow minded as ours, being fat is to be the object of ridicule, to be the butt of jokes, the source of others’ amusement.  For somebody who is the recipient of such deragatory remarks, it is not a laughing matter.

For the past years, I am a recipient of such remarks.  To a certain degree, I deserve to be called such.  Technically speaking, I did gain a few pounds.  Er, not a few..but a lot.  In fact, I am 20 pounds over my ideal weight.  Of course, this did not happened overnight. I gained them in increments of 5 pounds every year.  This developed with a highly sedentary lifestyle of lack of exercise, too much work and stress that usually were compensated with over eating.  Being alarmed at the physical changes, I consulted my doctor.  I assumed that I may have hypothyrodism, a symptom characterized by weight gain.  After two thorough check-ups, with blood pressure and cholesterol below the border lines, I am still considered healthy.  It is not hypothyrodism, it’s my metabolism.  My metabolism is not as it used to be.  For someone who used to be at the other side of the fence, I did not see this coming.  I was the type who could eat like a horse yet maintain a reed thin figure.  Unfortunately, nothing this good lasts forever.  If it were not for my very tall height, the proportion would have been terrible.  I have my good genes to thank for.

As I’ve said, I deserved to be called “one who gained weight”.  I deserve it in a certain degree.  When my weight becomes an issue and it is used against me, i.e. the remarks are used to intentionally hurt, this is where I put my foot down.  Years of name calling has taken a toll on me.  Considering that I am not really that big.  I can fairly compare my body to that of Rachel Ray’s.  She is not that thin nor that fat.  “Malaman” lang, in English - voluptuous! hahaha! I now know how Tyra feels.  God knows, I am not a supermodel, but I can empathize with her…given the height and the weight gain.  So, I wonder, where did all the negative criticisms came from?  I can’t take all these sitting down. (that’s how I literally gained all these pounds..hehehe)

For this piece, I opt to put humility and a bit of decorum aside.  Filipinos have a weird sense of propriety.  Calling others “fat” is not considered offensive.  Rather, it is something funny.  Just to put this irritating case to rest, I am giving these narrow minded people a piece of my mind.

1)  To my figure-obsessed college classmate:  Stop being shocked beyond belief with my weight gain.  I know that your life is so boring that my weight gain is SO big news to you.  Stop encouraging me to lose weight for appearance’s sake.  I am doing my best to lose the unnecessary weight for health reasons.  Leave me alone with my fish and veggie diet.  And I will leave you alone with your Skyflakes diet.  Skyflakes nga pala will not make your complexion fair.  It’s in your genes dear, maitim ka talaga.  Bars of papaya soap will do you no good.  By the way, since you are a backstabbing “friend”, tumalikod ka nalang.  Kasi, “harap mo na, likod ko palang”. 

2) To my desperately- seeking- for- a -lover- old -maid officemate (haba ng description):  Stop comparing your stick figure to my body.  There is no point of comparison.  You are a stick, I have a body.  Enough said.  It’s a waste of time to compare yourself to me.  It will only make you bitter and me vain.  I would also like to dispute that only the thin ones get the guy.  I am married now, you are still an old maid.  Anu nga ulit ang preference ng mga lalaki, model thin or cuddly chubby? hahahaha…Remember, “Ang fats natutunaw sa exercise and diet, Ang age never marereverse“.

3) To my pea sized brain acquaintances:  a mind, soul and body makes a person.  Before casting insults about my body type, think twice.  Di lang katawan ko malaki, pati utak ko.  My IQ and GWA could give you a run for your money.  But then again, I fervently hope, you understood the last sentence. hahaha!

My rebuttals are harsh.  I usually think twice before calling people names.  I hold my tongue whenever I am tempted to say someone is - “pangit, maitim, bobo, payatot, matanda, kalbo“.  However, people rarely hold their tongues whenever they think of others “fat”.  Some would even use it as an opening remark, “Uy, tumaba ka!“.  Whereas, I have to grit my teeth to prevent myself from saying, “Uy, pumangit or tumanda or umitim or nakalbo ka“.  Really, being fat is not a sickness.  It is not the end all and be all of a person.

I rest my case.  This time I am throwing my weight around - literally and figuratively.  After all I am a woman of substance - literally and figuratively…puns intended!